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  • Free Hummus

    4/1/2025
    Humor

    I am an unsung corporate warrior with no tchotchkes to show for it. The perks within my grasp are few and far between. But the hummus — it’s all mine.

  • Millennials are Ruining Award Shows

    1/23/2019
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    The loudest cry from the consuming masses, however, is the most concerning — and most infuriating. It would appear that, for the crucial 18 to 40-year-old viewing bracket, award shows just aren’t doing it for them anymore. 

  • The IKEA Veggie Dog: An Odyssey

    12/5/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Some sought religious freedom, others a new life and a fresh start. Some went into the unknown in search of riches beyond their wildest dreams. I was looking for something to break the monotony of PB&J sandwiches for lunch.

  • Thanksgiving: The Holiday of Moral Qualms

    11/14/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    There is no holiday more shrouded in ethical angst, more clouded with moral ambiguity than Thanksgiving. It is only fitting that November, the bitter, neglected child of the calendar year, has once again brought us face-to-face with the one day off that carries enough baggage to ground an airplane.  Thanksgiving has made its name on…

  • Celebrities Should Not Have Opinions

    11/7/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    A powerful and — worse yet — popular woman in America thinks she has the right to weigh in on the state of the nation? This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Fighting Extremism with Extremism

    9/26/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Radicals on both sides have led their followers off the same cliff, and America is sick and tired of terrible solutions where everyone wins a little and loses a little. We’ve tried all the conventional remedies to the internal conflicts that plague us — It’s high time we try the rest of them.

  • Evil Meatless Impossible Slider Must Be Stopped

    5/12/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Unfortunately, American fast food chains, fingers ever-present on the sluggish pulse of the nation, have been quick to respond to the plant-based craze. Today, vegan depravity is everywhere; worse yet, it’s affordable. We shook our heads in dismay when McDonald’s tested a “McVegan” in Europe.

  • Fordham’s War on Color

    2/15/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    A quick trip to Fordham’s website (or asking the nearest Jesuit) will quickly reveal that Fordham’s school color is indisputably, undeniably maroon. Not orange, not purple, not burgundy, not cordovan, not even claret. However, a quick trip through the Lincoln Center campus suggests otherwise, and the problem is only getting worse.

  • Irrational Disasters: Unwise Simply to Weather the Storm

    1/25/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    You can admit it. You’ve seen the headlines. Wildfires. Hurricanes. Droughts. You’ve glanced and skimmed and swiped and scrolled and, at long last, you did one thing we humans are really, really good at: you sent your Thoughts and Prayers™ and forgot about it.

  • Thanksgiving 2017: A Debate Primer

    11/16/2017
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    You may have forgotten why you left for college. As you gear up for your holiday trip back home, prepare to remember. After months of polite discourse and general open-mindedness, it’s time to unlearn everything. You are about to approach a forum unmatched in hostility, a jury of your peers that get their news from…

  • A Brunch with Death: Student Caught in Meal Limbo

    10/26/2017
    Humor, The Fordham Observer

    In the aftermath of what has been described by witnesses as “the greatest dining blunder in the past 10 years,” a local student has been taken into school custody, reportedly after attempting to acquire food in the undergraduate dining hall at 10:47 a.m. EST. 

  • Newest Ram Statue Sparks Never-Before-Seen School Spirit

    10/2/2017
    Humor, The Fordham Observer

    Top university officials dropped a 500-pound bombshell on the student body just weeks ago—what has been described as a “giant metal ram” by onlookers has been installed on Fordham’s singular stronghold of grass. Standing four feet tall and composed of a gray metal composite with gold accents, the ram is Fordham Lincoln Center’s newest addition.…

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