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  • What Matters? Fordham Rebrand Falls Flat on Purpose

    8/7/2025
    Essay, Opinion

    First impressions are about getting out ahead of it all. They’re about establishing total expertise and trustworthiness, communicating at the level of the target audience, and presenting a solved problem.

  • Free Hummus

    4/1/2025
    Humor

    I am an unsung corporate warrior with no tchotchkes to show for it. The perks within my grasp are few and far between. But the hummus — it’s all mine.

  • Freud and Jung Broke Up at Fordham

    5/16/2021
    Essay, Fordham University, Nonfiction

    What they didn’t know was that this dynamic duo, almost always in ideological lockstep and seen as the two men guiding the bleeding edge of the budding field of psychoanalysis, was about to suffer a tremendous falling-out. 

  • A.P. Style

    9/15/2019
    Creative Writing, Essay, Fordham University, Nonfiction

    Perhaps the persnickety details of one style guide aren’t enough to paint a convincing picture, but the point remains: I have long worked under the fatal assumption that creative writers don’t give a damn about the rules.

  • Please Swipe Again

    5/5/2019
    Essay, Fordham University, Nonfiction

    In July of 2012, “the latest frontier in the MTA’s campaign to squeeze new revenue from the transit system” became the ability to advertise on both the front and back of the iconic yellow card—starting at $112,000 for 250,000 cards (Mann). MetroPCS, Audible, and HBO’s Game of Thrones have all endorsed full MetroCard advertisements through…

  • Prestige Is a Losing Game

    4/9/2019
    Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Prestige is on the line. High schoolers’ ambition to prove — to themselves, to their parents, to their teachers — that they’re worth something makes the exclusivity and selectivity of the highest of higher education the gold standard.

  • Mr. Steichen’s Well-Intentioned Spell

    2/28/2019
    Essay, Fordham University, Nonfiction

    Edward Steichen’s Family of Man has lived a double life of sameness and otherness since its first showing in the Museum of Modern Art in 1955. The exhibit’s great undertaking in attempting to capture the similarities of cultures worldwide could never have been perfectly comprehensive. However, the deeper meaning and motivation for the exhibit is what has…

  • Free the Pimple: Puberty Chic Going Through Changes

    2/19/2019
    Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Where do brace-faced, tent-pantsed American pubescents turn for validation? It’s too risky to depend on parents. Their knowledge of labia and scrota too often calls into question their very parenthood.

  • Going the Distance

    2/12/2019
    The Fordham Observer

    I’ll be honest; when I pictured college life, stairs were not part of the plan. Hour-long phone calls were not what I envisioned. Then again, learning how to love someone on a level I’d never experienced before — all from long distance — wasn’t either.

  • Millennials are Ruining Award Shows

    1/23/2019
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    The loudest cry from the consuming masses, however, is the most concerning — and most infuriating. It would appear that, for the crucial 18 to 40-year-old viewing bracket, award shows just aren’t doing it for them anymore. 

  • The IKEA Veggie Dog: An Odyssey

    12/5/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Some sought religious freedom, others a new life and a fresh start. Some went into the unknown in search of riches beyond their wildest dreams. I was looking for something to break the monotony of PB&J sandwiches for lunch.

  • I’ve Gotten This Far Without Trilling My R’s

    11/15/2018
    Creative Writing, Essay, Fordham University, Nonfiction

    Perhaps the Spanish learning experience—foreign relations in general, even—would be better for everyone if we spoke loudly, slowly, and only about the weather and the whereabouts of the nearest library.

  • Thanksgiving: The Holiday of Moral Qualms

    11/14/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    There is no holiday more shrouded in ethical angst, more clouded with moral ambiguity than Thanksgiving. It is only fitting that November, the bitter, neglected child of the calendar year, has once again brought us face-to-face with the one day off that carries enough baggage to ground an airplane.  Thanksgiving has made its name on…

  • Administration Inactive as Old Quinn Languishes

    11/14/2018
    The Fordham Observer

    Two years after the new, three-story Quinn Library opened in the fall of 2016 as part of the newly-renovated 140 West building, the old library on the ground floor of the Leon Lowenstein Center remains gutted and underutilized.

  • Celebrities Should Not Have Opinions

    11/7/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    A powerful and — worse yet — popular woman in America thinks she has the right to weigh in on the state of the nation? This is why we can’t have nice things.

  • Fighting Extremism with Extremism

    9/26/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Radicals on both sides have led their followers off the same cliff, and America is sick and tired of terrible solutions where everyone wins a little and loses a little. We’ve tried all the conventional remedies to the internal conflicts that plague us — It’s high time we try the rest of them.

  • Protein

    9/25/2018
    Creative Writing, Food, Nonfiction

    There has—to my knowledge—never existed a food more polemic, more evocative of outrage and love alike than the off-white rectangular prism that currently sits on my cutting board. There’s a little bit of liquid leaking out of the sides, and it kind of smells like crayons. Did you cringe? Salivate in delight? By now you…

  • Out with a Bang: Richard Russell’s Barrel Roll

    8/23/2018
    The Fordham Observer

    On Aug. 10, just as the sun began to set on Puget Sound, Richard Russell crashed a stolen, otherwise-empty 76-seat prop plane into an uninhabited island, killing himself in the process. We know from bystander reports that he successfully executed a loop-the-loop and finally lost control attempting a barrel roll.

  • Evil Meatless Impossible Slider Must Be Stopped

    5/12/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    Unfortunately, American fast food chains, fingers ever-present on the sluggish pulse of the nation, have been quick to respond to the plant-based craze. Today, vegan depravity is everywhere; worse yet, it’s affordable. We shook our heads in dismay when McDonald’s tested a “McVegan” in Europe.

  • Something More: The Importance of Student Journalism

    4/26/2018
    The Fordham Observer

    You can see it in their eyes, red from squinting at screens for hours on end. You can hear it in their shouts lobbed across the room as sections collaborate, commiserate and help the work along. It’s imbued in first drafts, on crumpled mock-ups and atop stacks of newly-printed editions. The drive.  Nobody is paid…

  • Fordham’s War on Color

    2/15/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    A quick trip to Fordham’s website (or asking the nearest Jesuit) will quickly reveal that Fordham’s school color is indisputably, undeniably maroon. Not orange, not purple, not burgundy, not cordovan, not even claret. However, a quick trip through the Lincoln Center campus suggests otherwise, and the problem is only getting worse.

  • Irrational Disasters: Unwise Simply to Weather the Storm

    1/25/2018
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    You can admit it. You’ve seen the headlines. Wildfires. Hurricanes. Droughts. You’ve glanced and skimmed and swiped and scrolled and, at long last, you did one thing we humans are really, really good at: you sent your Thoughts and Prayers™ and forgot about it.

  • Thanksgiving 2017: A Debate Primer

    11/16/2017
    Humor, Opinion, The Fordham Observer

    You may have forgotten why you left for college. As you gear up for your holiday trip back home, prepare to remember. After months of polite discourse and general open-mindedness, it’s time to unlearn everything. You are about to approach a forum unmatched in hostility, a jury of your peers that get their news from…

  • A Brunch with Death: Student Caught in Meal Limbo

    10/26/2017
    Humor, The Fordham Observer

    In the aftermath of what has been described by witnesses as “the greatest dining blunder in the past 10 years,” a local student has been taken into school custody, reportedly after attempting to acquire food in the undergraduate dining hall at 10:47 a.m. EST. 

  • Newest Ram Statue Sparks Never-Before-Seen School Spirit

    10/2/2017
    Humor, The Fordham Observer

    Top university officials dropped a 500-pound bombshell on the student body just weeks ago—what has been described as a “giant metal ram” by onlookers has been installed on Fordham’s singular stronghold of grass. Standing four feet tall and composed of a gray metal composite with gold accents, the ram is Fordham Lincoln Center’s newest addition.…

  • Literacy Vignettes

    9/1/2016
    Creative Writing, Essay, Poetry, Short Story

    My first experience with literature (more of a false start, really) came beside a pile of old second-hand books on the shelves of a TV armoire in Raymour & Flanigan.

  • St. Lawrence of Rome

    11/11/2015
    Essay, Nonfiction

    In August 258, Roman Emperor Valerian issued an edict that all bishops, priests, and deacons should immediately be put to death. When confronted to hand over not only his life but the riches of the Church, Lawrence asked for three days’ time to assemble everything—during which he proceeded to distribute as much wealth as he…

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