Author: Owen Roche

  • What Matters? Fordham Rebrand Falls Flat on Purpose

    First impressions are important. In the wider field of graphic design — rife with slick poseurs, ardent objectivists, gleeful contrarians, and vague distant relations who could’ve done the job better for peanuts — first impressions are do-or-die. 

    “If St. Ignatius saw this, he would wish he’d been hit in the head by the cannonball instead of the leg,” roughly reads one of the most-liked comments on Fordham University’s rebrand announcement on Instagram. 

    The new identity system debuted with a sizzle reel on July 31, 2025 — a Thursday. Headlining (and, on Instagram, thumbnail-ing) the rebrand was a new primary F mark, but the new brand system includes a host of new marks, lockups, palettes, font pairings, slogans, and communication guidelines. Thousands of hours of work between brand agency Ologie and the university’s various in-house teams lay behind a new system applied to every corner of Fordham’s branding, and it was all introduced to the public in one sizzle reel. 

    The community sentiment was overwhelmingly negative. Fordham — its marketers, its in-house designers, and the firm it contracted to execute the rebrand — failed to make a good first impression. 

    Few fields besides graphic design produce work so ubiquitous and so commonly consumed that arbiters of taste hand down judgement simply on the sole qualification of having commonly consumed the work. Few highly technical professions have as low a barrier of entry.

    A desk-duty middle manager “whipping something up” is inconceivable in a machine shop. Tech firms are not scrambling to democratize HVAC maintenance by harnessing the power of AI. To be sure, there are unappeasable blowhards managing (and even leading) every profession. Few outside of modern art, however, use familiarity with the end product — combined with a certainty in its complete subjectivity — to exert control on the finished product with little more than vibes-based judgment, as is du jour in graphic design.

    “I showed this logo to my dog, and he didn’t like it. Could you make it pop more?”

    First impressions are about getting out ahead of it all. They’re about establishing total expertise and trustworthiness, communicating at the level of the target audience, and presenting a solved problem. A first impression is not defensive — aimed to answer questions before they’re asked — it’s offensive: here is the problem, here is the solution, and here are the different benchmarks by which the problem is solved.

    It is rarely so easy. It is the unfortunate reality that a graphic designer’s job — just as much as the software manipulation, the vendor visits, and the constant portfolio building — is to sell themselves and prove their professional worth at all times. 

    It’s a matter of first impressions. Get good at them, or hunker down for the blowback. 

    Through graphic design and marketing, I was sold a particular vision of Fordham University as a prospective student. Beyond the smiling faces and lists of majors, I was offered an academic experience based in a long tradition of Jesuits — bona-fide hippies of the Catholic world — and their knack for top-of-the-line educational institutions. I was promised a two-campus experience that blurred the boundaries between the city and the institution; sold on the slogan “New York is my campus, Fordham is my school.” 

    Fordham was marketed to me as an old guard of do-gooders intermeshed with the largest, most diverse city in the nation. A gem of tradition and near-mystique that welcomed skeptics, religious and otherwise.

    I was intrigued by Jesuit-in-origin but progressive-to-this-day tenets of holistic care and advocacy; of radical acceptance and an obligation to serve others. A lifetime public school product, I read the glossy Fordham mailers and decided that these Catholics had the right idea.

    On Accepted Students’ Day, then-President Joseph M. McShane, S.J. threw the crowd a line that stuck with me: “You come to Fordham, I can promise you one thing. You will be bothered here.”

    I did. I was.

    Marketing by nature over-promises, and Fordham University was no exception. The values the school plastered everywhere were not statements of fact. Taken optimistically, they were aspirational. 

    When I saw the school at its best, those values were exactly that.

    Drawing from a well-publicized font of tradition, students and faculty held the school to its own professed standards and implored it to do better. Over and over, Fordham University was told that it was better than — had been better than, must return to being better than, could someday be better than — its reality. It could integrate better into its surroundings and give back to the communities in which it resided. It could represent a cross-section of the city population. It could stand up for the oppressed and offer a guiding light for the truth-seekers. 

    The marketing was turned back around on itself: Fordham was old enough and wise enough — and had the right priorities in place — to do what’s right. 

    Though nonlinear and frequently slower than needed, change at Fordham felt present and possible by design. Marketing told a glossier tale, and branding tied it up in a bow, but the real story was in there, moving ever-closer to the ideal.

    Isn’t that what being Catholic is all about? A lifelong struggle for that which is out of reach? Highest-of-high standards that force us to commit to the long, glorious, futile, imperfect journey?

    By its own marketing, Fordham was old. It was storied. It called its community to be Christlike. When wielded by the community, it was self-actualizing.

    Hopeful, staccato strings crescendo into megachurch drums — all suspiciously stock-sounding — and Fordham’s new brand makes its first impression. 

    The first visual is a close-up detail of the old letterforms morphing into the new. This technique is helpful when trying to convey to an audience an effort to subtly and faithfully modernize typography — by way of a smooth transition effect, designers show that there is a trace of the old in the new; there is continuity in the refinement. It is not nearly as helpful in the present application, as one typeface simply expands into a separate, chunkier and less detailed typeface. We watch the wordmark lose character in real time. 

    The reel continues, and we read that the brand is “inspired by bringing tradition and architecture together.” The tradition referenced goes undefined in the video. We are, however, shown that the architecture component is of the neo-gothic variety found in the older buildings on the picturesque Rose Hill campus, including the flagship Keating Hall.

    “Collegiate Gothic” architecture is a recognizable hallmark of many colleges and universities, the 19th-century style of choice to call back to the the world’s oldest, most venerated learning institutions. 

    My college search included countless road trips and campus tours, and I considered architecture to be an important part of my assessment of a school. Neo-gothic buildings, while beautiful, began to blur together very quickly.

    Gothic architecture is a notable feature of one campus, but not a university-defining one. There is no gothic architecture on the Lincoln Center campus, the Westchester campus, nor the Calder Center, nor Fordham London Center. New construction at Rose Hill adopts a contemporary style that, most charitably, is gothic-inspired. 

    Possessing old buildings constructed in neo-gothic style, widely popular within an institution’s niche for the time, contained within a single campus, is a limited foundation on which to build a contemporary global brand.

    To pin a particular architectural style to a multi-borough, multi-country, city-first university feels like a disservice at best, and disingenuous at worst. The tradition and architecture, as defined by the reel, seem to be one in the same: a certain style of old building. 

    The gothic inspiration is revealed to manifest in a blackletter, gothic-style capital F. To be clear, the letterform is not shaped by specific curves and corners of Rose Hill architecture, nor refined from a specific F cut in stone somewhere on campus. It is just gothic-inspired. 

    The F mark itself is inoffensive, even adequately constructed. It just doesn’t mean much.

    The gothic F ostensibly replaces the existing block-letter F used for merchandise and sports branding, though the gothic F is further elevated to the primary mark, used across almost all implementations of the brand, including athletics. For an academic institution to increase, not decrease, emphasis on and ubiquity of a big, red F seems to invite the usual jeers the Fordham community is used to in even greater numbers.

    The block F was an extremely simple lettermark, borne of design, printing, and embroidery constraints of old. By virtue of its antiquated beginning — compared to the pseudo-antiquated, gothic-inspired F — the block F communicated a specific brand of collegiate tradition. Far from clever or symbolic in its own right, the block F aligns with a pared-back view on university branding: the name is more important than the mark. Block letters are accepted collegiate visual vernacular: the more austere, the more retro; the simpler, the better-connected to time long past. 

    Longevity — enough to infuse history and meaning — beats clever design most days. Though the newcomer gothic F does not hold the same richness of significance, it is relied upon much more heavily in the new brand than the block F was in the old.

    The reel rolls on. The seal of Fordham University appears, then is grayed, and a shield shape is found within it. The shield contains the Christogram IHS, the central symbol on the Jesuit emblem. The Christogram is also grayed — the focus is drawn only to the outline of the shield.

    The shield is not uniquely shaped or proportioned. The particular shape does not itself feature prominently in Jesuit imagery. The university seal is not widely noted for the shield it contains. It is wholly without defining characteristic.

    The reel adds the shape to the primary mark — the gothic F layered on top of the shield shape. The music crescendoes; this is the big reveal.

    The shield would seem to have little reason to be elevated so. Like the F atop it, the shield as a symbol is set up to fail, robbed of significance. The most the shield shape can communicate, given a shield shape is ubiquitous in university seals and coats-of-arms, is that Fordham is, in fact, a learning institution. 

    Much like blackletter gothic type, shields are not limited to higher education, however. The mark could serve well as a luxury hotel chain, medieval castle conservatory, or line of high-end pens.

    Combined, the gothic F and shield mark can only communicate that Fordham may be a university, and it might also be old. Broad, shallow meaning is given priority — isolated, even; championed — and the resulting mark struggles to differentiate the brand among a given lineup of contemporary university marks. 

    It is a surface-level execution of the reel’s original premise: combining tradition and architecture. An invitation to search for deeper meaning — to be drawn into the complicated world of the university — is absent.

    Newer institutions attempting to affect an old-world, ivy look would arrive at a similar depth of meaning in a mark. To borrow a term from the world of post-millennial sports franchises, it’s not a throwback; it’s a fauxback.

    The full lockup fades into view. Narrow tolerances and sharp intersections created by layering the F over the shield bring tension to the mark. The letters below, in contrast, are unremarkable and smooth, with slightly flared pseudo-serifs so small and subtle as to be barely noticeable. The lockup is discordant — sharp and smooth, hair-fine and ultra-thick, nearly two different approaches — and it communicates very little, positive or otherwise, about the institution.

    The former wordmark is as intricate as the seal that accompanied it in the former lockup — finer, varied-weight lines, curving, near-organic serifs, and tight tracking. The seal itself, the purest and primary visual signifier of Fordham University, is worth more taken as a single symbol than as a collection of its many elements. Much like the shield shape, a seal is a common signifier of authority in academia and elsewhere — but unlike the shield alone, it has prominent, unique elements that help it to stand out, even when the finer details are ignored. 

    It was more to manage — a  bigger lift, I’m sure, to apply to some edge cases. The lockup is a more intricate, delicate visual balancing act of type, space, and legibility. The payoff for successful application, on the other hand, is visual richness equally full in meaning.

    Simplifying visual identities for screens was law at the dawn of social media, but the phones of the 2020s have more pixels than the human eye can discern. If the simplification of the primary lockup was a technical move, motivated by readability, such an arguable overcorrection replaces the quirks and visual signifiers of the old lockup with forgettable symbolism. 

    When less is more, the less conveys similar meaning in a deeper, more visually efficient way. The extra space is an invitation. The simpler forms have meaning behind every angle and color choice. When less is just less, meaning is traded for trendy aesthetics — and functionality, if you’re lucky.

    In a Logos and Branding class at Fordham University, I participated in a Q&A with Armin Vit, graphic designer and publisher/writer of Brand New, a chronicle and frequent editorial of high-profile rebrands as they happened. He told us “Designers love to talk shit. They love saying they could’ve done better, and they have no idea what went into the design process, or how many people they had to convince.”

    He was right, of course. Fordham’s rebrand — to my slight disappointment, only marked “noted,” not “reviewed” on Brand New — was their initiative alone, and all who worked on it surely worked hard and delivered to the best of their ability. Designers love to talk shit, and you’re reading it right now. 

    The lion’s share of community sentiment around Fordham’s first impression of the rebrand, however, didn’t discount effort. It didn’t criticize color, type, and layout. Some called it corporate, bland, discordant, trendy, nothing special, and too great of a change, to be sure.

    Most, however, just asked “Why?”

    Deeming a rebrand unnecessary is one of the most damning indictments an audience can hand out. With a legacy brand adapted to modern applications — as I experienced firsthand as a prospective student, attendee, and now alum — Fordham did not appear to be suffering from a brand that held itself back visually. On the copy end, Jesuit tenets and aspirational sloganeering with real-world meaning seemed to elevate Fordham above standard university marketing of the “leading,” “soaring,” “succeeding” ilk. In sum, and reflected in increasing admissions, new construction, rising tuition, and overflowing dorms, the Fordham brand appeared to be working.

    It matters why Fordham thought it necessary to rebrand — as the sizzle reel, supporting documentation and further posting paid little attention to the “Why” behind it all. 

    In a hostile comments section, the Fordham University Instagram account met most negative comments with a condescendingly corporate-cheerful, “bestie”-laden tone. The purpose of the interactions — or at least the objective as executed — seemed to be refuting criticism. Given the chance to acknowledge community concerns, redirect to positive aspects of the new brand, or simply provide a rationale — business, academic, or otherwise — for the initiative, the university chose snarky one-liners. 

    After a failed first impression, Fordham was on the defensive, chiding members of the community with internet slang for accusing the rebrand of missing the mark.

    Since the first announcement of the new brand, Fordham has published a few videos and rounded out top-line applications. Many Fordham-affiliated accounts have been made to adopt the exact same profile picture — not coordinated, not sporting fresh illustrations in the new brand style, not even color-differentiated. A parade of red Fs assemble at the top of my Instagram feed like a brutal report card. Any trace of the Ramses, the mascot, in the brand has been removed, not evolved.

    Applied for a week — all the video content, the webpages, the merch — the brand does little to assuage concerns expressed in the comments section of Fordham’s one shot at a first impression. 

    Visual cues, footage, copy, and even Fordham’s iconic maroon hat — a giveaway so common every student has at least one — seem flatter. They feel less unique. In forgoing actual tradition in favor of common signifiers of tradition, the rebrand’s primary motivation seems to be a very shallow, zero-sum idea of marketability. 

    The new brand feels like the New York I imagined as a suburban mid-Atlantic teenager, before I came to Fordham. The brand leverages basic, cookie-cutter identifiers of the city, the university, and the general pursuit of education at the expense of authenticity — the single most important buzzword in the conversation on how to market to Generation Z and younger.

    At every turn, the rebrand feels isolated from Fordham — or Fordham, seen from 30,000 feet. It reads like an outsider’s idea of what New York is like. It largely ignores the Bronx, only concerned with the campus inside Rose Hill’s spiked wrought-iron fence. It forgoes the Lincoln Square neighborhood and its cultural powerhouses in favor of wide-angle shots of the larger Manhattan skyline. 

    It is a strong recentering of Rose Hill as the main campus — despite enrollment testing dorm capacity at Lincoln Center — and on the way, it treats the city as an accessory; a destination to visit, not something to live within. 

    Would it come as any surprise that Ologie, the firm behind the rebrand, is based in Ohio?

    Would it further shock and stun that Ologie markets itself as a consultant exclusively for the academic field? A firm fully tapped into the trends of collegiate branding and marketing delivered a final product they knew would satisfy the aesthetic tastes of that world. A firm based hundreds of miles from the cultural and design capital of the nation, maybe the world — and largest city in the United States by millions and millions — made a brand formerly inextricable from the city it called home almost entirely independent of it. 

    In the new brand collateral — especially the first sizzle reel — there are no design, music, videography, or contributing credits shouting out Fordham students or graduates. Beyond focus groups and “participants” mentioned offhand, it seems Fordham neglected to use its own brain trust — or the top-of-market design resources of New York City — to inform the rebrand in any significant way. 

    For a cynic, the rebrand is in sum more faithful to the school’s value system in practice — and a more pragmatic summation of what draws wide swathes of bright suburban kids and their tuition dollars to New York. Whether this will further bolster application rates and convince more deep pockets and their progeny to wear Fordham maroon is yet to be seen, but the calculus is there. 

    That logic is void of aspiration; a contemporary data-driven coldness that equates a university’s profit with its value. This outlook sees a spoken desire to improve the world, no matter the cost, as ignorant idealism; a failure to play by today’s terms. It dismisses aspirational, heritage branding as functionally useless.

    While a more secular outward appearance is by definition marketable to a larger audience, the appeal of a Catholic institution more skeptical than dogmatic was an intriguing selling point when it came time to commit. An ancient order dedicated to the greater glory of creation was busy celebrating beauty and understanding the world around them, not mandating faith pledges and enforcing curfews, and they wanted people to come to their school with all their questions and doubts. The kind of person energized by that prospect seems like the ideal Fordham candidate; a value match beyond Sunday service.

    In the comments of the first reel, Fordham claimed to have developed the rebrand by community committee, citing alumni outreach that must have missed my inbox. Graphic design is a subjective profession, but that Thursday, beyond any technical critique, Fordham could not sell a brand to its own community that was engineered to be more marketable. There is a soullessness to the rebrand that any Fordham Ram, past or present, could pick out.

    The rebrand’s primary slogan is “For What Matters.” That’s not shortened in any way, nor is it an attempt at satire. Put another way, the slogan amounts to “We have values.” Making specific, stated values secondary to the idea of possessing principles results in just as flat an end product as any visual component of the new brand. Significance is sacrificed for trend and sizzle — executed bluntly. Turned back around on itself, the brand poses a hollow question: What matters? 

    In the face of a flat, derivative visual identity and an uninspiring message, there is no satisfying answer.

  • Free Hummus

    I am no bike-riding, relaxation-podding, ping-ponging Googler.

    I am no car-expensing, sushi-ordering Goldman drone — nor construction-dodging J.P. Morgan-Chaser. 

    In my line of work, the perks are many, but reserved for the few. I am an in-house graphic designer in the marketing department of a global law firm; a cost-center-of-cost-centers either wholly misunderstood or outright loathed by those with whom I make daily contact. 

    It’s a different world from that of the client-wooing, noon-arriving lawyer. When I catch a glimpse into the lifestyle of my firm’s better half at the annual Christmas party, even the associates do not know my name. A pack of guffawing suits once got up and left a table the moment I sat down. As far as freebies are concerned, I sit physically and metaphorically as far away from the Haves as possible.

    The free lunches are never for me. The swag is never for me. The stipends and flights to other offices, the ethereal stuff of dreams. 

    My caste is affirmed every day when, daring to take to the hallway en route to the bathroom, I happen to pass a Doctor of Laws. They avert their gaze every time.

    I am an unsung corporate warrior with no tchotchkes to show for it. The perks within my grasp are few and far between.

    But the hummus — it’s all mine.

    I don’t have company miles on my AmEx, and I can’t get tickets to our box at Yankee games. The fridge in the break room, however, is left open to just about anyone. Including me. 

    Plastic containers of mashed chickpeas stack skyward, flanked by phalanxes of diet soda. In formation, they salute when I open the fridge. They recognize a man of the people. 

    Consumed by the frenzied greed of an upper-middle-class striver, I behold the golden-beige tower of perks before me, and I take one. I take another. Another. 

    I am encumbered with free hummus, and — pockets bulging with the fun-size bag of free pretzels I fought a secretary for this morning — I stagger to a seat in the completely empty cafeteria. A lawyer enters, eyes downcast, and dejectedly makes a coffee in my presence. I do not see him. I only see the walls of my fortress of hummus stacked around me.

    The flimsy aluminum foil peels easily and rips up the middle almost immediately. I don’t care. I curl my fingertips under the foil portions and rip violently, and my fingers emerge capped in bean mush that I did not — could not, will never — pay for. My eyes dart left and right before I lick it off.

    The pretzels, stale and crushed, sing in crackling rejoice when I open the bag. I plunge the first offering into the swirled, spiced corporate mana, and time and space dissolve around me. I am the King of the firm — nay, the Chief Hummus Officer. I want not for looser work-from-home allowances, nor for cushier office space or a desk close to a window. 

    The hummus is free.

    I am free. 

  • Freud and Jung Broke Up at Fordham

    The psychoanalysis of dreams that came after

    In 1912, Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, delivered a series of six lectures at Fordham University. Students surely knew—or were at least briefed by their professors—that Dr. Jung was the protégé of a certain Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis and father-figure to the man who lectured before them.

    What they didn’t know was that this dynamic duo, almost always in ideological lockstep and seen as the two men guiding the bleeding edge of the budding field of psychoanalysis, was about to suffer a tremendous falling-out. 

    Jung saw the publishing of these lectures, The Symbols of Transformation, as the turning point in their relationship. Fordham University witnessed the breakup of Freud and Jung over differences that culminated in six lessons on Jung’s differing views on libido (Sharpe).

    An oversimplification, to be sure. However, this turning point nevertheless marks the beginning of the ideological rift between the two theorists that would set them apart in their field for the rest of their careers. Though Jung would go on to publish much work on the field of analytical psychology, one battleground within the realm of psychoanalysis in which Jung and Freud would differ greatly is the meaning of dreams.

    Dreams are a product of the unconscious mind—on that the two can agree. Freud introduced the idea that a role of the unconscious is to facilitate repression. The negation of base urges and desires seen as socially unacceptable or taboo uses the unconscious mind as a receptacle as the conscious mind saves face (Freud). Though Freud’s understanding of repressed urges is primarily sexual, this would be somewhat negated later by Jung, who generally prescribed to Freud’s sexual emphasis up until the falling-out.

    Freud’s more developed understanding of the unconscious coincided with his theories on dreams in The Interpretation of Dreams. Understanding “dream content” as the manifest reality of a dream and “dream thought” as latent, underlying meaning supplied by the subconscious, the work sets out to explore the ways in which dreams may mean more than their often-nonsensical nature would suggest (Freud).

    Through the act of condensation, Freud believes that the unconscious is able to package the dream thought and content into a single dream. The displacement of the dream describes the mismatch between dream thought and content—the repression Freud establishes makes clear messages of desire unable to be clearly expressed. For Freud, dreams are the workaround and dream analysis the decoder of these messages. The external aspects of a dream were Freud’s main focus—too much subjectivity would ruin one’s abilities to interpret the signs as they were relayed (Taveras).

    Jung differs in his conception of dream analysis. Instead of the free association characteristic of Freudian dream analysis, Jung prefers to “stick as close as possible to the dream images.” Building off of the manifest content of dreams, Jungian dream analysis relies on a detailed analysis of the more literal implications of certain concepts in dreams, as opposed to looser methods of association (Jung). Freud’s assumptions of sticks in dreams would not sit all too well with Jung (Sharpe).

    Jung’s notion of dreams includes, however, the act of amplification—the association of dream content with images from other sources. Drawing from popular culture and myth, for example, Jungian dream analysis looks to identify archetypal parallels through which the unconscious may very well be working as well (Taveras). This smacks of the loose, free-associative methods of Freudian psychoanalysis, but perhaps in this case with more emphasis on the internalized societal influences on the subject. 

    The act of dream analysis, as described by both Jung and Freud, attempts to distinguish the primary meaning behind what often amount to be discordant and nonsensical metaphors created by the subconscious as a response to a conscious unwillingness to simply express such primary meaning.

    Where Freud believed these coded messages were the result of specifically sexual repression, Jung believed the dream served to work through issues that plagued the conscious mind and focused on the finer details of the dream content (Taveras). Disagreeing strongly with Freud on the proper way to extrapolate all aspects of a dream, Jung sought to analyze the subjective and objective content of the dream in the interest of observing how an individual might both knowingly and unknowingly affect their dream content. 

    The state of dream analysis in the field of psychoanalysis might have seen its rise in the duo of Freud and Jung, but the rift that formed between them served to demonstrate how differently dreams can be interpreted—and how some parts of the process remained the same. Perhaps it was better for the world that their relationship deteriorated, the final straw at our very own Fordham University.

    Of all the hundreds of thousands of breakups that have occurred across campuses, it’s the best one I’ve heard of to date.

    Works Cited


    • Freud, Sigmund. “The Interpretation of Dreams.” Literary Theory: an Anthology, ed. Rivkin, Julie, and Michael Ryan.  Wiley Blackwell, 2017, 575-591.
    • Sharpe, Ella Freeman. Dream Analysis: A Practical Handbook for Psycho-Analysts. Maresfield Library, 1988, pp. 34-45.
    • Jung, C. G., ed. Anthony Storr. The Essential Jung. Princeton Univ. Press, 1983.
    • Taveras, Maria. “Jungian Dream Analysis.” Maria Taveras, Psychotherapist, jungiantherapy.com/jungian-dream-analysis/.
  • A.P. Style

    The Oxford comma and I have a complicated relationship.

    I have no quarrel with the comma itself—it’s often a leisurely, much-needed pause in an otherwise long and droning serial. 

    On the other hand, well—it’s not A.P. style.

    Throughout my academic career, throughout every piece of writing I’ve scribbled and submitted on a whim, I can say with certainty that I never cracked a style book. Never did it cross my mind to find out how to properly refer to senators, nor the best abbreviation for the states of the union. I didn’t know that “internet” only recently lost its capital I in the eyes of the A.P., and I didn’t care about the superiority of “OK” over “okay.”

    Perhaps the persnickety details of one style guide aren’t enough to paint a convincing picture, but the point remains: I have long worked under the fatal assumption that creative writers don’t give a damn about the rules. 

    I’d read enough “experimental” writing—funky spacing, out-there poetry and bad-on-purpose-but-you-just-don’t-get-it prose—that I assumed creative writers (myself, of course, ranking squarely among them) reached down into their subconscious and produced a fully-formed, Pulitzer-winning first draft on command.

    I thought that creative writing was a high art reserved for those born with arms long enough to reach it. I was, in a word, insufferable.

    More slowly than I’d like, but with a finality I’ve never experienced before, I believe that I have finally begun to mature as a writer. Call it peach fuzz or that first bullseye zit between my eyes, but something’s there. 

    To be a student of English and a creative writer at the same time is a bit of a contradiction—to study authorities on writing while writing with one’s own authority seems like a misplaced bout of hubris. However, the truth and value to the study of creative writing is exactly that—it’s a process, it’s a contradiction and it’s the only way to find out who I am as a writer and a person.

    The Pablo Picasso quote goes like this: “Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” Echoed by the likes of Alexander McQueen and the Dalai Lama XIV, this revelation is like any other equivalent college-age epiphany—though one can hear it ad nauseam, it’s only learned and internalized through experience

    For me, it began with A.P. style.  

    This year marks my third with the student newspaper at Fordham Lincoln Center, The Observer. This time two years ago, I submitted my first piece to the paper, expecting to never hear back from them. Instead, I got a Google Doc full of edits—and a saccharine note at the bottom encouraging me to “Keep writing!” 

    I hated it. People telling me that “this might work better” were purely critics to me—not individuals with my best interests in mind. I cringed at every last “lil awk” commented offhand on a compound sentence gone awry. 

    Every writer needs someone to tell them that their stuff is trash sometimes. When that someone gets to the heart of your writing—of you—and explains what can be improved, everything grows. The writer, the editor and the piece itself, I found, were beneficiaries of this process. 

    Slowly but surely, I worked through those edits. I tuned my voice, sharpened my focus and deleted every last one of those infernal Oxford commas. 

    I stuck with The Observer, becoming an editor myself. Then, I became Editor-in-Chief.

    My new role is tougher than I ever expected. The idiom “herding cats,” when applied to 37 unpaid members of a biweekly newspaper staff, has become my favorite turn of phrase. My week invariably involves poring over 40 or so pieces of student journalism—op-eds, theater reviews and administrative exposés among them—and ensuring they’re fit to print. 

    Of the standards to which I hold my writers, most are traditional. Journalistic integrity, ethics, grammar, punctuation and the all-powerful A.P. dominate. 

    But some are my own. I know that writing worth reading is creative. It tells stories in unique ways and dares—not begs—the reader to listen.

    When I pull up a new submission on Google Drive, I’m faced with what sometimes seems like two irreconcilable responsibilities. It’s my job to mold and trim the writing before me to conform to an unwavering, annually-issued style book—and I need to make it sound good. But it’s also my responsibility to retain the original voice of the author. Their style and unique perspective matter. 

    While they may not think they’re writing creatively, I believe that they are. Journalism is formulaic by trade, but it’s a lot less gloomy and gray when the ability to tell a story in a multitude of ways is treated as a strength, not a distraction. 

    Editor-in-Chief implies that I must know a little about how to improve a piece of writing. My title doesn’t imply the second part of the job, however—that experientially, I’m just as much a fledgling writer as any first-time contributor on our staff.

    As I do my best to help my staff and contributors grow as writers—and, more importantly, grow as people—I find myself growing along with them. The lessons I try my hardest to instill in my peers are just as much for my own benefit. 

    I tell them to learn the rules, hoping that one day they will build a strong enough foundation to be able to break them. I tell myself to learn the rules, hoping that one day my strength—as a person and as a writer—will allow me to shatter the what I’ve known into just enough jagged pieces with which to build something new and meaningful.

    With every lede suggestion, source attribution and endless debate over that damn Oxford comma, I told people what I myself needed to hear most. Learn the rules. Then break them—effectively, carefully, and creatively.

  • Please Swipe Again

    Commodity Fetishism, Conspicuous Consumption and the Supreme MetroCard

    At its cheapest and lowest quantity, the advertising rate for a standard, four-color, single-side advertisement on 50,000 Metropolitan Transportation Association MetroCards is an even $25,500 (MTA).

    In July of 2012, “the latest frontier in the MTA’s campaign to squeeze new revenue from the transit system” became the ability to advertise on both the front and back of the iconic yellow card—starting at $112,000 for 250,000 cards (Mann). MetroPCS, Audible, and HBO’s Game of Thrones have all endorsed full MetroCard advertisements through the years; all randomly distributed throughout the MTA system. 

    No New Yorker’s wallet is safe: gracing mine currently is a Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show-branded card with a coupon on the reverse side that expired long before it was even issued to me. 

    But there is one MetroCard, however, that stands out from the rest, living in infamy among collectors and everyday commuters alike: the limited-edition Supreme MetroCard.

    Supreme is a clothing manufacturer known for utilizing scarcity to drive up the value of its branded products. Memorable merchandise includes a branded clay brick along with a modestly-branded plan white tee shirt—both selling for upwards of $1,000 each (Tiffany).

    When Supreme and the MTA’s tracks finally crossed, the result was fascinating to many—and likely the worst nightmare of Karl Marx and Thorstein Veblen. 

    A commodity, as defined by Karl Marx, satisfies a human desire. Supreme capitalizes on the difference between a commodity’s use value and exchange value—its intrinsic worth in contrast with its perceived value in a capitalist society. Commodity fetishism is what creates the gulf between the two. What makes the vast inflation of the price of a Supreme MetroCard so illogical or absurd is fully understood and utilized by Supreme.

    At its very essence, a MetroCard is a piece of vinyl and a magnetized strip, manufactured in large quantities and used by consumers to store value that can be exchanged for entrance into the MTA system. Its usefulness simply as a yellow rectangle is negligible; however, its ability to transfer value gives this commodity a value of its own. It acts in the place of money; itself intrinsically worthless but representative of some amount of perceived value.

    In this way, the MetroCard has no first-order use value but takes on use value when its larger role in the grand scheme of currency is considered. Its exchange value becomes its primary use value when put into the context of a greater capitalist system.

    The exchange value of a MetroCard in this higher sense, then, depends entirely on the amount of currency represented on the card. This makes the humble MetroCard a useful, but largely unfetishized commodity—that is, until another element is introduced to make the card desirable outside of its role as a conduit of value transfer. 

    This is where Supreme comes in.

    Though many ads on MetroCards are simply seen as a nuisance, the Supreme MetroCard, introduced in July of 2017, was the latest in a long line of commodities fetishized—according to Marx—far beyond their traditional use values. 

    The card was red and white, with “Supreme” written on the side opposite the iconic yellow logo. It was released in limited numbers in stations across New York City and sold for $5.50. 

    The cards were loaded with enough fare for two trips in the MTA system. Their intrinsic value—on a primary level as red strips of vinyl and on a secondary level as a means for holding and transferring value—was rather low.

    In the ensuing weeks, Supreme MetroCards resold for as much as $999.97 on eBay. 

    This valuation fails to correlate with any conception of the intrinsic value of a MetroCard—a prime example of the fetishism Marx argues destroys the link between utility and value in a capitalist society. The “mystical” x-factor that makes consumers amenable to paying almost a thousand dollars for an aftermarket MetroCard: the combination of artificial scarcity, brand recognition and other societal factors that amounts to a true capitalist fetish. 

    One of the contributing factors to the fetishization of commodities is elaborated upon by later economist Thorstein Veblen in The Theory of the Leisure Class. Like Capital, Veblen’s work lampoons its titular subject, arguing that “the emergence of a leisure class coincides with the beginning of ownership,” a statement reminiscent of Marx’s conception of the bourgeoisie and their reliance on capitalism. Conspicuous consumption—the pursuit of commodities regarded to be of great value in order to display wealth and power in a capitalist society—is characteristic of Veblen’s leisure class. 

    This helps to further explain the extreme overvaluation of the Supreme MetroCard—and all other merchandise with unequal use and exchange values. While a MetroCard would simply allow a working-class member of society to access public transportation, a Supreme MetroCard appeals to those of higher socioeconomic status because of its perceived exchange value. It is rare, and it is expensive—a perfect display of wealth and power for a class of people with nothing better to do than flaunt.

    Through Marx’s theory of commodity fetishization, developed and augmented by Veblen’s concept of conspicuous consumption, the frenzy surrounding the release of the Supreme MetroCard—almost religious, as Marx asserts—makes perfect sense. A capitalist culture imbued the brand of Supreme and all of their merchandise with a value far exceeding their utility and total labor necessary to produce them, and the leisure class bought Supreme MetroCards for $999.97 because the perceived “value” of displaying their wealth and power made the price tag more than worth it. 

    The other day, I saw a rat faithfully pulling a MetroCard into a hole in the subway station tile. I don’t know why it did so; the card’s utility to that particular rat was completely foreign to me. I imagined that it was a special Supreme card, perhaps dropped accidentally on to the subway tracks by a careless subway-goer. I can only hope the rat knew how much money was paid for that little red card.

    Works Cited


    • Veblen, Thorstein. The Theory of the Leisure Class. London: Penguin Classics, 1994. Print.
    • Marx, Karl. Capital. London: Penguin Classics, 1994. Print.
    • Tiffany, Kaitlyn. “The MTA’s Supreme-branded MetroCard is a hot commodity.” The Verge, https://www.theverge.com/2017/2/20/14674604/mta-supreme-metro-cards-nyc-subway-resale. Accessed 26 April 2019.
    • “Advertise on MetroCard.” MTA, http://web.mta.info/nyct/RatestoAdvertiseonMetroCard.html. Accessed 27 April 2019.
    • Mann, Ted. “MetroCards Get Advertising Makeover.” WSJ, https://blogs.wsj.com/metropolis/2012/07/18/metrocards-get-advertising-makeover. Accessed 27 April 2019.
    • “Supreme Metro Card NYC Subway MTA Train Pass New York City Metrocard SS17 X.” eBay, https://www.ebay.com/itm/Supreme-Metro-Card-NYC-Subway-MTA-Train-Pass-New-York-City-Metrocard-SS17-X-/282370033138. Accessed 26 April 2019.
  • Prestige Is a Losing Game

    The next SAT test date is May 4.

    Across time zones, from Hong Kong to Honolulu to New York City, a morning of a healthy breakfast or thrown-up waffles or nothing at all and a fruitless review of hundred-dollar flashcards will occur again and again. 

    The students who will take it that day might have studied for months, even years. Maybe they’re taking it completely cold. With each passing hour, achievers high and low will file into testing centers, safe in the knowledge that with a handful of hours and cost of admission to lose, they have the world to gain.

    In quick succession, worn-down students around the world with high hopes and soaring dreams will undertake a $64.50, four-hour necessary evil. As high school juniors and seniors — and maybe even sophomores and freshmen — there’s nothing at all new about the SAT. Sure, they (most likely) haven’t seen the questions yet, but what’s one more college-crucial measurement of worth? What’s one more bubbled-in identity — race, religion, future plans, sex, age, summation of all previous experience to be judged as such?

    What’s one more test?

    It’s no revelation that standardized testing is worthy of criticism. Anyone filling in a Scantron this May 4 knows full well they’re playing a game of memory recall and who-can-pay-for-the-most-prep. They must believe their investment will have a return.

    It’s an understanding that comes with the price of admission: we’re all here to get into a good school.

    Prestige is on the line. High schoolers’ ambition to prove — to themselves, to their parents, to their teachers — that they’re worth something makes the exclusivity and selectivity of the highest of higher education the gold standard.

    It’s one thing to tell a starry-eyed junior that, when it comes to picking schools, they’re buying, not selling — but doesn’t every minivan-buyer dream of that irresponsible, irrational two-door sports car? 

    Given the buying abilities of powerful credentials, it’s suddenly much less rational to dig through shelves upon shelves of schools when the shiniest ones are right in the front.

    With a pocket full of 1600s, heartfelt letters and selfies with kids in Ghana, it’s so tantalizingly easy to scoff at the people who say your money can’t buy you happiness.

    But it won’t.

    I had none of the above in my pocket. I did fine on my tests and got good grades, and I got a small taste of what it feels like to be patted on the head for a role well played. I paid my dues, and opportunities glimmered before me, indifferent, as I fawned over their hypnotizing glow.

    I could picture wearing the sweatshirt to family gatherings, having aunts and uncles ooh and aah at the name of the fancy university I would attend. I imagined going to classes and sports games and it all being just a little different because of the prestige I had dutifully earned.

    I never thought about the friends I’d make, wherever I’d end up. It didn’t concern me who my professors would be, or what I would be inspired to create, or what clubs I’d join. In wanting to join something bigger than myself, I fell into the trap that snares every student far too confident in their wax wings: I lost myself.

    Appropriately, we attend a crash-site littered with Columbia and NYU rejects (and, unfortunately, soon-to-be transfers). So many starry-eyed high schoolers got a pat on the back and a false invitation to reach blindly for the shiniest stars of them all — and they ended up at the place with the free application and just enough financial aid to please their parents.

    We go to a school where everything — the education, the faith, the social life and the city — is exactly as much as what we make of it. No more, no less. Its indifference teaches us the lesson we needed to hear but never wanted to accept.

    Some of us are proud to call Fordham our home; others still feel the sting of rejection. To the latter: be glad that life disrupted your best-laid plans. Be glad it might eventually change your priorities, too. The prestige of a school will never be the deciding factor in your ultimate success, but your ultimate failure has this blind faith in prestige at the very center.

    Make a choice. Choose to accept life as a test without time limits and scores that don’t matter. Your life is yours more than any diploma or sweatshirt or hallowed name could ever say. Higher education is supposed to be where you learn to become an adult. Don’t let childish dreams of prestige stunt your personal growth.

    On May 4, high schoolers will take the SAT, some for the very first time. I hope they remember to eat a good breakfast, bring extra pencils and clear the memory on their calculator.

    I hope they don’t let it define them as much as I let it define me.

  • Mr. Steichen’s Well-Intentioned Spell

    The (Great) Family of Man and the consequences of mythmaking

    503 photographs were used in the final exhibition of The Family of Man, including Dorothea Lange’s famous Migrant Mother. The images of the hydrogen bomb test and aftermath of a lynching were omitted from both the physical exhibition and the printed book thereafter. The exhibit toured the world, reaching 9 million people—the most for any photo exhibit—in 37 countries on six continents. This did not include China, Spain, or Vietnam (MoMa).

    Edward Steichen’s Family of Man has lived a double life of sameness and otherness since its first showing in the Museum of Modern Art in 1955. The exhibit’s great undertaking in attempting to capture the similarities of cultures worldwide could never have been perfectly comprehensive. However, the deeper meaning and motivation for the exhibit is what has been called into question.

    The myth that it posits—the “great” family of man—understood within Roland Barthes’s formulation of myth, intends to show that a collection of snapshots of the human experience mean something more. 

    Some called this thinking reductionist; others praised its humbling effectiveness. In both cases, Barthes’s thinking rings true: The Family of Man legitimizes the myth of the same name by taking a collection of human images, all with their own meanings, and deriving a second-order connotation from this collective (Barthes). The exhibit, as a sum of its parts, champions the values of similarity and shared human experience. Said Steichen himself, “Photography communicates equally to everybody throughout the world. It is the only universal language we have, the only one requiring no translation” (Steichen). 

    His confidence in the legitimacy of his mythmaking was called into question, especially by Barthes, but the human tendency to derive higher meaning from simple concepts persisted—and persists to this day.

    Barthes acknowledges that the French translation of this exhibit, The Great Family of Man, implies sentimental and moral connections where a lack of “great” would simply suggest zoological similarity. An “alibi to a large part of our humanism,” this notion of shared human experience contributes to the myth of The (Great) Family of Man. Criticizing the medium and presentation, Barthes argues that photography is dangerously reductionist. “…if one removes history from [universal fact], there is nothing more to be said about them… To reproduce death or birth tells us, literally, nothing” (Barthes). 

    Further criticism of Steichen’s high-reaching conclusions from 503 photographs points out that mythmaking is often founded on the negation of nuance. Said Phoebe-Lou Adams in Atlantic Monthly shortly after the exhibit opened, “If Mr. Steichen’s well-intentioned spell doesn’t work, it can only be because he has been so intent on [Mankind’s] physical similarities that… he has utterly forgotten that a family quarrel can be as fierce as any other kind” (Adams). Abetting this are the exhibit’s own conscious choices already listed: omitting two powerful negative images and failing to visit three countries. That these three countries may not have even desired to exhibit The Great Family of Man complicates the validity of such generalizations further. 

    When seeing The (Great) Family of Man, museum-goers then and readers in the present are wont to “see no evil” if they were to experience the full effect of Steichen’s myth. In her 1977 collection of essays, On Photography, artist and activist Susan Sontag echoed Barthes’s criticism of the lack of nuance and context so essential to the higher-order connotations of myth: “By purporting to show that individuals are born, work, laugh, and die everywhere in the same way, ‘The Family of Man’ denies the determining weight of history – of genuine and historically embedded differences, injustices, and conflicts” (Sontag). She acknowledges Steichen’s collection as an expression of humanism, as Barthes does, and does the opposite of mythmaking—she puts the work in critical context. To her, the post-war period in which the exhibit was made fostered a popular culture wanting to assume the best in people, “…to be consoled and distracted by a sentimental humanism” (Sontag).

    The generalization characteristic of myth does not only work to nefarious and revisionist effect, however. That much can be seen from Steichen’s faith in the ability of his work to unite humanity in a positive way—suggested in the very name Family of Man. From a special issue of Aperture Magazine on the exhibit, Barbara Morgan asserts that “… Empathy with these hundreds of human beings truly expands our sense of values” (Morgan). Whether this empathy is well-founded and such values deserving to be universalized is up for contention, but the effect of myth is evident nevertheless. 

    In creating a second-order meaning from a series of independent, meaningful entities, The Family of Man succeeds. The exhibit uses photography to represent this myth visually: that humans are far more alike than different. Though perhaps best understood with historical context and painstaking nuance, assertions of human nature are far more given to the process of mythmaking. Steichen’s exhibit, for all its shortcomings, succeeds in the creation of higher-order meaning, but the rest of society is tasked with determining its validity. Like many myths, The Family of Man is at once reductionist fluff and elegiac truth—at the end of the day, it is simply something for the audience to behold.

    Works Cited


    • Barthes, Roland. “Mythologies.” Literary Theory, ed. by Julie Rivkin and Michael Ryan, Blackwell, 2019, pp. 88-89
    • “Edward Steichen at The Family of Man, 1955.” MoMa, https://www.moma.org/research-and-learning/archives/archives-highlights-06-1955. Accessed 4 March 2019.
    • Steichen, Edward. “Photography: Witness and Recorder of History.” Wisconsin Magazine of History, vol. 41 no. 3, 1958.
    • Morgan, Barbara. “The Theme Show: A Contemporary Exhibition Technique” in “The Controversial Family of Man.” Aperture, vol. 3, no. 2, 1955.
    • Sontag, Susan. “On Photography.” Penguin, Harmandsworth, 1977.
    • Adams, Phoebe-Lou. “Through a Lens Darkly” in “The Controversial Family of Man.” Atlantic Monthly, no. 195, 1955.
  • Free the Pimple: Puberty Chic Going Through Changes

    Being American and going through puberty is a unique tradition of ours. It’s an experience that unites across religion, color, creed and privilege — up to a decade or more of awkwardness, mental and physical, is indeed the single greatest instance of evolutionary hazing — and rightly the bedrock of our nation.

    And it sucks.

    Anthropologist Margaret Mead took a look at adolescents on faraway islands and told us about as much — that the moody, angsty, self-conscious and sexually-repressed youth given hours of homework a night over in the land of the free aren’t exactly the gold standard of formative human development.

    No citizen is safe. Sooner or later, we get pimples. Everywhere. Our voices change. We get lumps in weird places. Sometimes, we want everyone to die. Sometimes, we feel like dying ourselves. We try to blend in and stand out at the same time like camo pants in a K-Mart: poorly on both accounts.

    Oh, and we’re so unbelievably horny.

    As American bodies transition from childhood to adulthood, the imbalanced brains that pilot them are just as developmentally wonky and even more vulnerable. Sadly, barring the collapse of capitalism and a collective change of heart in the next couple of years, kids and teens in America will be treated the same way their parents were, and their parents before them — knowing that they’re changing, knowing that they’re disproportionate and never being equipped with enough information to handle it.

    And they’ll continue to have that unshakable feeling that no one understands them or what they’re going through until they’re old enough and have clear enough skin to pretend like it never happened.

    Where do brace-faced, tent-pantsed American pubescents turn for validation? It’s too risky to depend on parents. Their knowledge of labia and scrota too often calls into question their very parenthood.

    When bad grades and weird hairs get them down, kids and teenagers need a distraction.

    So, they turn on the TV. They go to the movies. They open Netflix.

    The depiction of high school life on screens big and small is perhaps an equally American tradition. Nostalgia, our national pastime, drives us to seek out representations of our past — the “That ’70s Shows,” the “Greases” and the “Goldbergses” of our time provide us with just such an outlet. They give us a taste of the past — our past, perhaps, with an accuracy more rosy than rosacea. Do you picture it in your mind yet? Do visions of 30-year-olds pretending to be teenagers dance through your head?

    America has been crushing on puberty chic big time.

    “Pretty Little Liars” would perhaps be more accurate if the actors were shown going out for drinks after third period or filling out rental car forms. Jason Earles, a 39-year-old man, played Hannah Montana’s co-star Jackson Stewart. Did we hear about his character’s nocturnal emissions? His struggle with sexual identity? Did we see a single pimple?

    Nobody put Baby in a corner, but they certainly cast her 17-year-old character with a woman 10 years her senior.

    It’s spelled out plainer than a TV show teacher’s name underlined on a green chalkboard: we’re ashamed of what we looked like in middle school. We cringe at what we did, how we dressed and whom we crushed on in high school.

    Instead of looking back and laughing, we go to great lengths to convince ourselves and everyone around us that high school wasn’t like that for us. We were cool, wore leather jackets and had a fully-settled facial bone structure. Puberty chic is so ingrained in American pop culture — we’re so ashamed of our first periods in first period — that we risk passing our revisionist habits on to the next generation.

    Alas, we’re not out of the woods yet. Contemporary shows like “Sex Education” on Netflix get the second part right — that growing up doesn’t have to be a taboo subject — but the message falls flat when it’s told by a 22-year-old.

    It’s discouraging to walk the line this way, implying that the validation of kids and teens is valuable but that they’re just too unfit to deliver the message themselves. Is it too much to ask to have a movie called “Eighth Grade” played entirely by actual eighth graders?

    However, the trend could be starting to reverse. Only now have we started to dab the Tretinoin gel of reality on the angry, swelling zit of puberty denial, or so I hope.

    “Big Mouth” is the biggest ray of hope for such a counter-movement. The smash Netflix hit, two seasons in and going strong, chronicles in vivid detail middle school kids fighting mood swings, questioning their sexualities and getting their first periods at the Statue of Liberty. Though their voice actors are far beyond their pubescent years, the animated characters are undeniably, often grotesquely teenage.

    That the brash, vulgar lessons of the show have resonated so much with audiences suggests that it’s now as cool as ever to talk about sex and growing up in a genuine way. The people who need to hear it most get the message, and those who’ve been through it already might even crack a smile as they begrudgingly relate.

    This representation and validation are long overdue. We’ve made steps in the right direction, but we have a ways to go before facing the ugly truth goes completely mainstream. Puberty chic isn’t cool — and neither are America’s adolescents — but representation certainly is.

  • Going the Distance

    I am more familiar with the McMahon B stairwell than most who live on the 10th floor. 

    The dusty, lumpy maroon coverings that grace each flight are actually a welcome sight after a long day of work and classes. The echo-filled, maroon-tiled liminal space filled with people simply passing through is my favorite place to stop and live in the moment.

    An odd choice of hangout spot, no? 

    It may surprise you to learn that I don’t all that much relish sitting down on the top step outside the 10th-floor exit, resting my head awkwardly against the cold railing. When I position and reposition myself in the clinically-lit, altogether uninteresting B stairwell, I wouldn’t blame you if you judged a little. You certainly wouldn’t be the first — many a laundry room-seeker has awkwardly stepped over my sprawled form, and their “what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here” faces are memorable.

    I really don’t care. In that dirty, disused stretch of residence hall, I do what I’ve been waiting to do all day.

    I call my girlfriend.

    She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on and the kind of person who could get that bust of Leon Lowenstein to crack a smile with ease. She makes me want to be a better person with clearer skin and funnier jokes. She amazes me every day with her strength, her resolve and her commitment to others.

    Oh, and she’s six hours away by bus. Seven, if traffic is especially bad.

    I’ll be honest; when I pictured college life, stairs were not part of the plan. Hour-long phone calls were not what I envisioned. Then again, learning how to love someone on a level I’d never experienced before — all from long distance — wasn’t either.

    I’ve learned things I never imagined I’d need to learn. 

    Things like: Buy your bus tickets very early or last-minute. Anything in between will break the bank harder than need be. Spend your money on the things she mentions in passing over the phone, but there’s a great flower shop near the place where she’ll pick you up, just in case. 

    I’ve learned when’s best to send a paragraph of motivation over text, the best times for 15-minute phone calls and the right moment to buy a spontaneous midnight bus ticket two hours before departure.

    I’ve learned that if you’re planning on sleeping on the bus, get a window seat. Ball up a jacket and use it as a pillow as you lean against the window. Try to contain your excitement at being so desperately close to actually seeing and touching your significant other, and get some sleep. If the sweet old lady next to you ends up falling asleep on your shoulder, well, that’s just the way it goes. It makes for a good story to tell one day. 

    I’ve learned that a long-distance relationship is tough. There is a lot of time, space and telephone silence for doubt to creep in. Schedules evade each other as texts get short and “I” sometimes gets dropped off of “love you.” You blame them for having a life, making friends without you, and you hate something, but you can’t put your finger on what exactly it is, but you’re sure it’s not them, right?

    And when you do it for a long time — this commitment to love someone who you only see in your wildest dreams — you learn that cellphones make your voice garbled enough that it pays to be genuine.

    When you recline on the dusty steps of Stairwell B and call that person who may very well be waiting for their phone to light up with your name, you learn to talk about fear.

    My authority on long-distance relationships — that is, simply that I am in one — hangs by a thread. A lot of the time, it seems that the only way I can justify my relationship is simply because it’s still standing. If the bedrock that has supported us so far reveals deadly faults, poof — it’s over. I’m no longer a shining example of how love can withstand anything. I’m just a kid who wasted time and money on something silly.

    I fear that all of this will come to nothing. That one day, a misunderstanding will snowball into a week of silence and a fatal phone call where neither of us says what’s really on our minds.

    I fear leaning up against the cold cinder blocks of the B stairwell and staring at the phone, daring it to play her voice on speaker again. Saying anything but “goodbye.”

    I fear reading these words one day and feeling bitter enough to post a correction. “EDITOR’S NOTE: They broke up. Don’t bother reading. It wasn’t worth it.”

    Maybe I’ll look like a fool. Maybe it’ll work out in the end. Maybe we’ll end up together. Maybe we figure out we’ve become two different people after growing up and apart. But I promised myself that I would support this relationship with everything in me until I woke up one day and didn’t feel that desire any more.

    Today, I woke up at 7 a.m. to a blinking indicator light on my phone. One new text message, 6:30 a.m.

    “Hey you! Good morning! Have a great day today, okay? I love you :)”

    Today, I woke up and knew I was doing the right thing. Today, I felt the familiar certainty that tells me all those Greyhound rides are worth it. That every last phone call and bus station goodbye has been worth it. That she is worth it.

    I don’t know how this will end, but something tells me there’s only one way to find out. The space between us is up for us to fill — and doubt always threatens to seep in — but day by day, bit by bit, we fill that space with love.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a call to make — and a bus to catch.

    Editor’s Note: They broke up. This story is still worth reading. We grow as human beings only when we love deeply, supremely and without fear. Find someone worth writing about.

  • Millennials are Ruining Award Shows

    The past months have not been kind to back-slappers.

    Much like the silver-haired lifetime achievement-accepting stars who unfurl their scroll of thank-you’s on primetime television, American award shows aren’t aging all that well. The most recent Grammys, Emmys, Oscars, Golden Globes, Espys and even the usually rock-solid Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards all suffered notable declines in ratings from previous years.

    We live in a unique time: At no other point in recorded history have we been less motivated to turn on the TV and watch the Emmys.

    Scapegoats are myriad. Some point fingers at the social media streaming of events as the explanation for the dismal drop in viewership of the 2018 Grammys. Others bemoan prime-time competitors stealing viewers. The loudest cry from the consuming masses, however, is the most concerning — and most infuriating. It would appear that, for the crucial 18 to 40-year-old viewing bracket, award shows just aren’t doing it for them anymore. 

    Suddenly, lavish galas, expensive dresses and long speeches — broken up by live performances from artists who should really, really consider performing exclusively in the recording studio — are boring a certain demographic of Americans. The Hollywood Elite and Common Man no longer share those special nights of extravagant wealth and gratuitous hugging and kissing the way we used to.

    Horrifying, surely. 

    When Americans stop crowding around the television to watch Andy Samberg tell Catholic-homily-caliber jokes, it’s a good indicator that our society is beginning to rot from the inside. The moment we cannot come together and listen to Hillary Clinton read “Fire and Fury” at the Grammys, our tone-deafness has reached levels even autotune can’t salvage.

    We’ve changed. No longer do we champion the classy serial killer question, “Who are you wearing?” Less-than-scrupulous elections from “academies” and “colleges” don’t rile us up like they used to, especially when our favorite creepy fish film won anyway. 

    We know who’s ruining award shows for the rest of us. After discovering the killers of Applebee’s, diamonds, jogging and fabric softener, we know exactly who to blame.

    Millennials, a blanket term for young people who do things I don’t like, are the single biggest killers of all things good and wholesome. Millennials are “entitled.” They “text” their dastardly emojis at all hours of the day. They “Venmo” their friends and have no time for Facebook, where the best news comes from. 

    They are a generation raised on tokens of false accomplishment. Tee-ball trophies. Spelling Bee participant medals. Stickers simply for showing up to the grocery store. The “Me Me Me” generation grew up over-validated and lazy, yet they refuse to sit on the couch and endure hours of entertainment industry workers congratulate themselves on a job well done? After all this time, they’ve picked now to go sour on trophies?

    Hollywood stars, the most morally-reliable and ethically-admirable people out there, are rightful and justified role models for a generation that, apparently, would much rather stream a “Twitch” than ogle Lady Gaga in a Valentino dress worth more than their entire student debt. The absolute nerve.

    It’s disgusting. The hallowed tradition of watching celebrities trip their way up to a podium to announce the winner of a category you didn’t know existed, only to comment at your screen “wow, he got really old” is somehow not enough for the youth. It’s hard to imagine what more they could possibly want.

    I fear a future populated by award shows more tailored to the twisted millennial persuasion. I shudder to think of catching a glimpse of a first annual Meme Awards or, worse yet, a funny opening monologue from a host that wants to be there as I flip between reruns of Modern Family. 

    If millennials have their way, award shows as we know it will cease to exist. When young people start to impose their views on the status quo, we don’t need an Academy, church jokes or gilded envelopes to tell us who wins. Everyone loses. 

    Millennials, young people and anyone who’d rather “floss” a “Fortnite” than floss their own teeth: Do the right thing. Buy into award shows like the rest of us. We had to sit through them; you should, too.